It’s that time of year again! The Fair is just around the corner and before we know it school will be starting. This year seems to be more on track for a traditional experience than last year, so far anyway. Many families are counting on a return to school, in person, full time. Other families have learned, through the experience of living through a pandemic, that online schooling is the best option for them and are glad that this is a permanent option.
Regardless of whether your child will be returning to in-person or learning on-line, the beginning of school will be a significant transition. While we prepare, we can’t help but have some apprehension. In addition to the usual nervousness about returning to structure, learning, and increased interaction, this year we reflect on the past and are more aware than ever that certainty is not a guarantee.
Generally speaking, adjustments and changes are difficult on people. If you are a parent of a student this year, you may be wondering what you can do to help your child or teen adjust to this school year. Parents can help kids and teens process their thoughts and emotions by simply listening to their experiences and validating them. Validation means to let another person know that what they are thinking and feeling makes sense, given their past and present experiences. Asking open ended questions and encouraging our kids to talk, without judgement, is one of the most important gifts parents can give. If you need to take a break from a conversation to prevent yourself from yelling or saying things that are unhelpful, take the break and then go back to the conversation. Remember that even when people disagree, there is truth to both sides.
Of course, not all people like to talk about their feelings. If this is your child or adolescent, encourage expression through other activities such as art, music, play, or sports. Spending quality time with your child is also beneficial.
Some kids and teenagers are anxious to return to school. A common symptom of anxiety is avoidance. Avoidance feels like relief in the moment, but makes the anxiety even bigger in the long run. Another common symptom of anxiety is acting out behaviorally. If your child is engaging in behaviors that are problematic, remember that focusing on positives and reinforcing behaviors that you want to see more of is a more effective way to change behaviors than punishment is. Remember to offer praise, encouragement, or other rewards for positive behaviors on a regular basis.
Encourage kids and teens to engage in healthy behaviors and stick to a routine. Start now with getting the bedtime routine back. It is most healthy to have a consistent sleep-wake cycle. Encourage your child to participate in activities that bring joy, while still taking care of responsibilities. Maintaining structure and routine in your own life will inevitably provide structure and routine in your children’s and teenager’s lives. We all need to have consistency and balance with sleep, nutrition, exercise, leisure time, work time, screen time, alone time, and social time. It is important to balance leisure activity, responsibilities, and rest.
It is vital that parents take care of their own mental health. Youth look to adults to learn how to respond to situations. When parents practice good self-care and balance in their own lives, their children learn this as a way to manage stress as well. Parents can take care of themselves by getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, making time for leisure activities, practicing mindfulness (paying attention to the present moment), practicing gratitude (noticing what you are thankful for), and avoiding using substances to self-medicate. Parents can seek support from other adults who understand what they are going through. Parents can seek supports specific to mental health as well, such as therapy or NAMI groups.
Signs that your child or teen may need professional help include hopelessness, lack of motivation, insomnia or hypersomnia, significant changes in appetite, separation anxiety, excessive fears, avoidance of activities, inability to function, using substances, engaging in self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. If you notice these symptoms in your child or adolescent, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Early interventions lead to the best outcomes.
Bobbi Mathern is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and the Clinical Director of the South Central Human Relations Center.
Data included is taken from the Minnesota Department of Health Daily reports. Because all data is preliminary, the change in number of cumulative positive cases and deaths from one day to the next may not equal the newly reported cases or deaths.
